Tired

In charge

I'm Amber and I'm tired. Here's a short post, since I am short on sleep and even shorter on words. I closed my eyes for about two hours on the plane last night while the turbulence shook me from the edge of sleep every time I approached. The fact that I'm verbally communicating feels like a win; I sat for literally the entire morning and tried to think of the word "Celtic."

Melissa has dealt with me kindly, patiently, as I've descended into the madness of exhaustion and my communication skills have devolved to angry glares and grunting noises.

After the unremarkable ordeal of passport control in Tel Aviv, we boarded a sherut (shared taxi propelled at terrifying speeds and the closest Muggle equivalent to Harry Potter's Knight Bus) for an hour's ride to Jerusalem, the city at the center of so much of what I pray daily.

It's hard to approach something like this feeling like I'm at the lowest level of existence. However, it must be some dim echo of what pilgrims have felt for thousands of years -- long journeys through desert and discomfort to lift their eyes to the hills and finally find the answer to the question: from where is my help to come?

I read the Psalms of Ascent from the prayer book as we came in sight of the city as my priest had done for me on my first visit, repeating the well-worn words of an ancient tradition. At our lowest, we are carried into this by others.

Psalm 121, from the BCP

I lift up my eyes to the hills;
from where is my help to come?

My help comes from the LORD,
the maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved
and he who watches over you will not fall asleep.

Behold, he who keeps watch over Israel
shall neither slumber nor sleep;

The LORD himself watches over you;
the LORD is your shade at your right hand,

So that the sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
it is he who shall keep you safe.

The LORD shall watch over your going out and your coming in,
from this time forth for evermore.